In this episode, Jillian answers two questions dealing with relationships, and these tips can be applied to all relationships—romantic relationships, family relationships, work relationships, and friendships. This season has been centered around the idea of being ourselves, bravely. It’s a lot easier to practice that idea on your own; however, when you bring your interactions with others into the mix, it becomes a lot harder to be your whole self.
The first question: How do we make the other person happy in our relationship? We may often feel the need to protect others from their feelings and emotions, but the truth is, we can’t manage their feelings for them.
Managing (or not) Emotions
First, we must understand that our feelings start inside of us. They are influenced by our perception of the things that happen around us every day, and we can’t catch emotions. We can’t give them to others. They are our own.
“Maybe a 3 year old has a hard time learning how to process their own emotions, but that’s the point of growing up…we eventually learn how to do that.”
Next, we must understand that we are individually responsible for our own actions. Many people fail to do this and instead expect others to fix their emotional grievances for them. Instead of owning their own feelings and emotions, they expect other people to fix them.
We can’t make others happy. Happiness is something that must originate in each individual person. Let each person have and manage their own feelings, because we can’t do it for them. A lot of people struggle with this; it can be intimidating, especially for people pleasers. Jillian’s advice is to start practicing and discussing the topic with people who are emotionally safe and intelligent.
Fear Of Failing in Relationships
The next question is regarding failed relationships. How can we overcome the fear of failing in our future relationships?
First of all, it’s important to realize something: You can bring your best, most complete self to the relationship, but if the other person isn’t willing to do the same, there is no amount of overcompensating that will fix it. If one person pours muddy water into a jar, and the other pours clear water, you’ll still end up with muddy water.
That being said, relationships can be learned. Relationships are an art, and skills like communication, setting clear boundaries and expectations, conflict management, and even apologies are all learnable skills.
You may have to unlearn and relearn a lot of things, but relationships can be improved upon, you just have to be willing to put in the hard work. Keep working on it, and you can figure it out!