Holidays can be the most joyful time….and the most stressful. I think we all would like to lean towards more joy and less stress.
I’ve always had holiday anxiety. Ever since I was a kid. My mom did everything right to create a perfect holiday experience and I sat in my room on the edge of a panic attack.
Two years into Adam’s and my marriage, I made a new rule: I will create the holiday I want to have.
I think a lot of holiday stress comes from the burden of expectations.
We take on everyone else’s holiday expectations and make them our own. It might be handed down traditions, work or friend commitments, family expectations or just general culture. Maybe those things are a great fit for the holiday you want.
But if they aren’t, feel free to write some new rules. And let other people write their own rules.
I have a friend who LOVES the gifts. She shops all year for dozens of thoughtful gifts for her family. She also has no expectations that others should do the same.
One friend LOVES the baking. Weeks of baking. 1000 cookies!
Some love outdoor activities. Ski trips, dog sledding, $5 Walmart sleds down a local hill, walks in the snow covered forest. Or a trip someplace tropical.
Maybe it’s a few hours with extended family that fill you up. Maybe you want two weeks in the family home with lazy days in pj’s. Maybe you sign up to work the time and a half shift so you can skip the whole thing.
What about the holidays fill YOU up? What works for your family?
Each season of life looks different for us. We make new traditions and we use old ones when they fit.
We try to be flexible with others expectations. But we don’t make the holidays miserable.
“I think a lot of holiday stress comes from the burden of expectations.”
Love that. My favorite part about the holidays is the time together. For me, the gifts/shopping/stress can take away from that. My family is slowly moving towards having less focus on the stressful aspects, and more on the time together.
That sounds great Matt! It’s always a process of figuring out what things or activities really add value and which just wear us down.
I’m not flying “home” to Indiana this year, for only the second time since I moved to Florida in 2005. But I will join my friends on the beach, making sandy versions of snowmen, decorating with blow-up Santas and penguins, and just enjoying this place I now call home.
The beachy Christmas sounds fun! When never went home when we lived overseas, and those holiday with friends were really special!
Stew in the slow cooker, cranberry sauce cooling on the counter, a fire in the wood stove, fiddle music playing overhead, and my husband off work. Maybe a few ornaments hung under our loft and a couple presents from grandparents. Christmas Eve service and singing carols. Perfect!
With a newborn and three other little kids in a tiny house, there is almost no room for fanciness:)
I want a wood stove something fierce! That sounds like a lovely way to spend the season.
Maybe that’s part of what’s changed for me. With smaller kids/babies, I had socially acceptable reasons for saying no to a lot of things. This year, my kids are older and society just wants me to deal.
A few years ago I made a tradition of spending some time with my mom playing Scrabble. She’s now 89 and I realize I’m only going to have so many more Christmases with her. Plus, she’s really awesome at Scrabble and kicked my ass.
That’s awesome and sounds like some great times!
I’m spending quite a bit of thought on this this year and haven’t come up with much solid- though movies in pajamas, cozy with tea is what keeps coming up for me (though the rest of the family isn’t so enthusiastic about this). I decided Holiday Cards, while I love them, were stressing me out so declared no cards this year, but my husband declared they were a super important part of the holidays for him (the getting of those cards) so he took it on. This year’s holiday cards include two fishing pictures and a not so very flattering one of me holding our new dog inside my shirt but they are done (and now he is responsible for getting the stamps and getting them addressed). Some yummy cooking sounds good so I’m pondering that piece. I also had a wow (to me) thought last night while at the store…. i love the spirit of the season and I love thinking of people and gifting meaningful gifts AND I’m trying to live a more intentional/minimalist life with less stuff, more giving to those who may need help, etc SO…. I am going to write handwritten notes to those on my list and make a donation to a charity that I know they would support. Let’s see how this goes.
Every year I want to send out photo cards….it hasn’t happened in years. Then I plan to send some out over Valentines day. Still never happens. Maybe one of these years. =)
Honestly, with all of us on Facebook, the need for yearly cards has decreased. I don’t do it every year.
I keep trying to declutter every Advent season. I’m down to a box and a half of Christmas decorations and I find that this is the sweet spot for us. Not too little and not too much. Just right. 😉
We got to one big box plus a tree and it’s just about right. It’s easy and fun to put up and still makes the house look festive. We can get it all up in 2 hours which is about as long as I have in me. =)
This is an interesting post. I definitely put a bit of thought in once in a while about the traditions and memories that I want to create for my son. I’m not one to stress too much about how the holidays look. I believe paper plates are OK. But I do have a bit of Christmas spirit and it bums me out that it’s not shared by everyone in my household. I do realize intellectually that I have no control over others Christmas spirit or lack there of but I do have control over my own actions/reactions. But I can’t wait until my son is older and I can share my excitement with him.
This year, I’ve splurged on some pre-Christmas presents for myself.
It’s so hard to find the balance that works for everyone. With 7 people in our home, we each have a different preference. And for some that changes each day. =)
Well said. I think the key is finding what works for YOUR family. What helps your family see the joy in the season and promise of the new year without becoming focused on the boxes and wrapping? When you find that family joy – you know you have something to hold on to and repeat year after year. If you make your “tradition” that of joyfulness with family and friends – how you make that happen can easily be switched up depending on your current circumstances WITHOUT compromising the tradition.
There is something to making the intention the tradition. Because we have lived so many places and family has changed so much over the years, each year looks very different. But we do try to keep the same intention. That’s a great way to look at it.
Couldn’t come at a better moment! Part of my problem this year is that life has just been happening and I didn’t plan well enough. But another part is just the endless obligations. Responsibilities. Is it weird that I’ve had a few moments of wishing I was Jehovah’s Witness so I could just opt out entirely? (Not wishing I had the theology, but the practice haha.) Halp.
I love how you do what is best for your family and you don’t seem to really worry that much what other people think of it. That’s why you’re my rockstar ninja friend who can conquer the world.